What Uzumaki Naruto is No Longer Allowed to Do
by Alcham of the Vael
Summary: A short list of anecdotes on different Jutsu and Techniques that one Uzumaki Naruto is no longer allowed to do.


The many things that Uzumaki Naruto is not allowed to do.

A list, complete with anecdotes, of jutsu and variants that Uzumaki Naruto is no longer permitted to use in Konoha.

#1: Sexy no Jutsu.

"Hey, Hokage-jiji!" Naruto called as he ran up to the Hokage in his office. "I found a jutsu that will let me totally beat you and become the Hokage!"

"Oh?" Hiruzen asked with an amused smirk, "and what is this jutsu?"

"Sexy no Jutsu!" Naruto called as he made a single handsign. The Hokage's eyes widened as a buxom blonde woman with small tendrils of smoke covering the most private areas and best bits appeared, with a shy blush on her face. "So what do you think, Hokage-sama?" the woman asked in a shy, hopeful tone.

Hiruzen couldn't handle it, and was thrown back into the wall with a nosebleed. When he awoke, he allowed Naruto to wear the Hokage's Hat for an hour... and declared the 'Sexy no Jutsu' a forbidden technique of Konoha the same as the 'Thousand Years of Pain'.

#2: Haremu no Jutsu.

"Jiji, Jiji!" Naruto yelled as he came bursting into the office, this time wearing his new hitae-ate. "I've got another technique that's totally killer!"

"And what is this technique?" Hiruzen asked once more, only this time with considerably more caution.

"It's a totally killer combination technique! First: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" he called, filling the office with clones.

"And second?" the Hokage asked, fearing where this was going.

"Haremu no Jutsu!" Naruto called, causing the Hokage to pale rapidly, then blush as he was surrounded by a mass of naked women of all shapes and sizes.

"Hokage-sama!" they all called at the same time. The Hokage flew almost all the way to the top of the Hokage Monument at this sight, and was admitted to the hospital with severe sinus hemmoraging. This technique was placed in the same rank as 'Ten Thousand Years of Death.'

#3: UN-sexy no jutsu.

"So, who are you working for?" Ibiki asked Mizuki as the ex-chuunin was being interrogated.

"Eat shit and die," Mizuki spat back, receiving an extra punch to the gut before spitting on Ibiki's shoes.

"Well, I must admit that I didn't want to do this, but you give me no choice," Ibiki sighed. "Hokage-sama told me that Naruto had another jutsu he wanted to test, and that he'd only allow it to be used in an interrogation." He turned to the door and called, "Send him in!"

Naruto walked in cautiously, then grinned at seeing Mizuki strapped to the chair. "Ibiki-nii-san," Naruto said as he turned to the interrogator, who was surprised at the young gennin's placement of the penultimate torture master, "I'm gonna have fun with this."

"Just don't get too into it, kid, or we'll have to send you to the Yamanaka's to see what's in there," Ibiki jokingly warned as he left the room, watching through the one-way mirror.

"So, any chance you'll talk?" Naruto asked sweetly. The Chuunin glared at Naruto who only grinned. "Thought not... Haremu no Jutsu!" he called, creating a group of nubile, bouncing girls that sent Mizuki boggling at the sight.

"This is your idea of torture?" Mizuki laughed, mirroring the thoughts of the interrogators outside.

"Well, maybe," one of the Naruko's replied with a blush. "Let me give you a puff-puff, and I'll get started..."

Mizuki grinned as the Naruko got closer, burying his face in the chest of the teen right as another puff of smoke was seen. He rapidly paled as the chest was filled with hair and an unwholesome locker-room scent filled the air. "What the- Ugh!" he spat out hairs as he gagged.

"Me glat chu lyk poof-poof," a deep, gutteral voice said from a few inches above him. Mizuki paled even further as he saw the trollish face of a massive sumo wrestler-esque man. "Make eeseer for 'Hose-Hose'!"

"Hose... hose?" Mizuki asked weakly.

Another heavyset man came around the corner with a length of braided steel hose with a spiked end, spitting what smelled like lemon juice out the end. "Ja," the ugly version of Naruto agreed, his chins wobbling as he nodded sadistically. "Clean jou aut gut!"

Mizuki screamed as Naruto approached, and Ibiki turned away to Anko, who was both impressed and horrified at the technique. "Remind me never to piss the kid off," he decided, eliciting a weak nod from Anko even as she scribed everything that Mizuki revealed.

#4: 1,000 Years of Pain.

"So, Kakashi-sensei, how does that... technique... you used on me work?" Naruto asked as the team wobbled down to Ichiraku's Ramen.

"You simply focus chakra to your fingertips with the Tora sign, which causes your chakra to become volatile, and release it once you reach your target. Why?" Kakashi asked, oblivious to Naruto's plans.

"No reason, sensei, no reason," Naruto whistled as they reached the stands.

(The next day...)

"Good morning," Kakashi greeted.

"You're late!" Sakura yelled while Sasuke only hummed.

"Where's Naruto?" Kakashi asked curiously.

"Right below you..." he heard, his eyes widening in realization. "Thousand years of Pain!"

Kakashi screamed as he was violated in the most personal way possible by his student, and the lack of control sent the chakra coursing through his rectum without pause.

It was a week before they could properly start training again.

#5: Sexy no Jutsu: Male Variant

"Sooooo boooored..." Sakura groaned on the third day of their week without a sensei. "Naruto, I know you wanted to get back at Kakashi," 'And we liked that you did too, Cha!,' "but did you have to send him to the hospital?"

"Hey, I didn't realize how deadly that thing could be," Naruto defended. "I thought it just hurt like hell!"

"Hn. Maybe you should do a bit more research then, dobe," Sasuke retorted.

"Hmph!" Naruto pouted, not paying attention to where he was going.

"Naruto- Wait, there's a cliff!" Sakura called. She didn't care that he was going to go off a cliff so much as she didn't want to be held back by another injured team-mate.

"Huh?" Naruto asked intelligently as he stepped off the cliff. He had half a moment to look down before he paled and fell down... straight into the women's hot springs at the bottom of the mountain.

"What the-Hey!" he heard a distinctly feminine voice yell.

"Sorry!" Naruto called, covering his eyes. "I didn't watch where I was going up there and just fell!"

"Just fell my ass!" he heard another voice from behind him growl. "Hana-chan, Yugao-chan, do you think he 'just fell'?"

"I'll bet he was planning on coming down here like that!" the first voice replied.

"I cannot disagree with that statement," a third voice said flatly.

Naruto paled, then made his decision. "Sexy no Jutsu: Male Form!"

The girls coughed as a heavy plume of smoke covered the hot-springs and clouded their vision. When it returned, they heard a deep voice say, "my apologies, fine women of Konoha. I did not intend for that to happen."

"Like Hell you... didn't..." Hana started, trailing off as her eyes caught what everyone else's had caught.

Naruto was there... but now he was 6' even with a golden tan, long flowing blonde locks that fell over his sharp, knowing blue eyes and perfectly chiseled features, and descending over the heavy muscles that covered the rest of his body. "It was an honest mistake," Naruto said in that same baritone as before, sending shivers through the women.

"Uh-huh," they all said, drooling at the man as he stepped out of the water... then passing out in blood-loss as they saw him free of any obstruction. He moved quickly and saved most of them from drowning before hopping back up the rock face.

"Hey guys," Naruto called as he came back over the rocks.

"About time, dobe," Sasuke called without looking back.

"Geez, what took you so long?" Sakura asked, not looking away from the picnic she was setting up.

"I just got held up," Naruto apologized. "Sorry for keeping you two waiting."

"What's with your... voice... wow..." Sakura said as she turned around, blushed, then fainted with a goofy grin on her face.

"Sakura? What's going... hot dobe..." Sasuke said as he got a goofy grin then fainted.

Naruto's face was blank for a moment before he dispelled the jutsu. "I am going to forget that Sasuke ever fainted over my Sexy no Jutsu: Male form," he decided.

Alright, so #5 is self imposed... for a good reason.

#6: Bunshin Daibakuha.

"Alright, Naruto," Kakashi said as he finally rejoined the team, with Naruto standing as far away from a confused Sasuke as possible, "since you're so good with the Kage-Bunshin, and you've got so much chakra, I'm going to teach you a new technique for your clones."

"Awesome!" Naruto crowed.

"Hey, what about us!?" Sakura asked with an annoyed nod from Sasuke.

"I'll be teaching each of you something new as well, just as soon as Naruto gets this jutsu," Kakashi appeased. They accepted, and he turned to Naruto. "Now, this is called the 'Great Clone Explosion.' Basically, just charge your clones with chakra once they're made, then have them use the 'Kai' command to explode."

"That sounds easy," Naruto nodded. He focused for a moment, then made a hundred clones, which caused Kakashi to pale. "Bunshin-"

Kakashi and the team didn't hear the rest, as Kakashi had acted quickly and picked up his other gennin as the explosion began.

The Hokage only sighed when he saw the request for training ground seven to be rebuilt.

#7: Mushroom Cloud no Jutsu.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Kakashi asked as he saw his most dangerous gennin preparing a glass jar. He had left them learning the tree climbing exorcize yesterday and Naruto had finally gotten it down, to the jounin's mixed pleasure and dismay.

"Just a little surprise for when we see no-eyebrows again," Naruto replied with an evil chuckle.

(the next day...)

"Oi Eyebrowless freak!" Naruto called as he arrived at the bridge. "Catch!"

"What in the- Ow!" Zabuza yelled as he was hit on the side of the head by the jar.

Kakashi's eyes widened when he saw the sheer amount of chakra in the jar. "Naruto, what-"

"I'll call it, 'Mushroom Cloud no Jutsu!'" Naruto cackled, finally drawing Haku's and Zabuza's attention to the jar that was filled not with sand, but with Shinsei-Henged Naruto clones in numbers too vast to count. "Takes a minute since they're all henged like that, though..."

"Shit-shit-shit..." Zabuza mumbled as he and Haku tried to toss it to the unoccupied end of the bridge. They'd been on the end of the 'Clone Explosion' the kid could do last week, and they had not one urge to see anything he called 'Mushroom Cloud no Jutsu'.

"Pah, how weak," a voice said as it arrived at the far end of the bridge. "I'm glad I wasn't planning on paying you; you couldn't even take out one gennin!"

"Gatou-san" Haku said as she created a mirror right in front of the man and handed him the jar of, now glowing, sand. "Please accept this generous parting gift. We will remember you fondly."

"Remember me... what the?"

The land of wave shook and all the elemental nations looked on in wonder as a large plume of smoke ascended miles into the sky.

The Hokage, however, simply sighed and knew he'd have to deal with more paperwork after this...

#8: Fuuton: Kami's Kaze no Jutsu.

"Kukuku..." Orochimaru chuckled as Naruto burst into the clearing, "I didn't expect you to come back so quickly, or at all for that matter..."

"Hey, it was one snake verses the 'Mushroom Cloud no Jutsu, Minor Variant'," Naruto replied flippantly. "And get this, I have another jutsu thanks to you giving me the idea!"

"Oh?" the sennin asked, ignoring the rapidly paling and departing Sasuke and Sakura as Naruto got ready with the jutsu. "And what little jutsu is that?"

"Fuuton: Kami's Kaze no Jutsu!" Naruto yelled, holding out his hands. Instantly, hurricane force winds ripped through the forest, sending the shocked Sennin flying through the air along with dirt, small animals, medium animals, large animals, small trees, large trees, boulders... ah, you get the idea... until a ten mile line that had once been forest was stripped bare of all life and sent flying past the borders of Hi no Kuni and into the land of sound that Orochimaru had carved out.

The Hokage saw the flying debris and groaned as he saw the mountain of paperwork grow.

#9: Kuchiyose no Jutsu... only in Konoha.

"So all I have to do is bite my thumb, do those handsigns, and push as much chakra as possible into the jutsu?" Naruto asked skeptically.

"Well, there is a bit more, but basically, yeah," Jiraya nodded.

"Right then." He bit his thumb and before the sennin could stop him called, "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

A puff of smoke later and a pale Jiraya was looking at the spot where his latest student should have been. "Oh... Sarutobi-sensei is so going to kill me..."

(elsewhere, in the World of Summons...)

Naruto blinked as he sat at the entrance to a village deep in a forest.

The two foxes standing guard blinked back, looked at each other and blinked again, then looked to Naruto. "Who are you?" the fox on the left finally asked.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Naruto replied with a tilt to his head. "I think I messed up that whole 'Summoning' thing..."

"Did you sign a contract first?" the fox on the right asked in a slightly higher tone.

"Well, no, why? Is that bad?" Naruto asked, not really worried since he had a phial filled with 'Mushroom Cloud Clones' ready. He was rather thankful he'd learned how to avoid that whole 'memory backlash' thing.

"Only if you don't pass our test," the first fox replied. "Then we get to eat you."

"Oh. Well, I'd better pass then."

(later)

Naruto's eyes were wide as he looked up to the giant white nine-tailed fox. "So you're the kit that my idiot of a younger evil brother got sealed into?" it asked. Naruto just nodded and the fox sighed. "Can't say he didn't deserve it. He goes from a one tail to a nine tail overnight thanks to getting hit by the evil power of the Juubi, and he lets it go to his head... Alright kit, our test is simple. Prank your village while wearing a blinding color in such a manner that you should get caught, without being seen until the last minute, if at all."

"That's it?" Naruto asked, surprising all the foxes listening in. "I did that before I even made Gennin. I painted the Hokage Monument in broad daylight without being seen until I finished up and started banging the paint buckets together, announcing what I did."

"...You're kidding, right?" the boss summon asked incredulously. "Isn't the Hokage's Monument something that people look at all day long for inspiration, with not a single second of it being unobserved?

"Yeah, it kinda surprised me too," Naruto admitted with a nervous laugh. "I can do something else though... I've had this prank in the works that would dye each of the clans uniforms a different color of the rainbow so they look like one when they go to council meetings... or this new way to combine my 'Mushroom Cloud no Jutsu' with a paint bomb."

"Somebody get me Kentetsu," the nine tailed fox sighed as it rubbed its head at the boy. "I need to see this kid's memories."

"No!" Naruto shouted, showing a fear and worry that the foxes hadn't seen on his face at all. "Don't do that! I'll just go and never bug you again!"

The nine tailed fox raised an eyebrow at the young boy. "It's either we see your memories to find the truth, or we eat you, your choice," the fox bluffed. The boy looked torn for a moment. "Well?"

"I'm thinking," Naruto said as he grabbed his hair in panic, surprising the fox summons.

The nine tailed fox was surprised at that, and finally put a sleeping genjutsu on the boy as Kentetsu ran up from the crowd. "Let's see what has the kit so worked up..."

(in the Hokage's office, just after nightfall...)

The Hokage was practically ready to explode on his student for letting Naruto use the summoning jutsu without first signing a contract when a puff of smoke filled the room.

"Hokage-sama," a calm female voice said. The pair in the room turned to see a woman with white hair, pale skin and pitch black eyes standing in the room, holding a sleeping Naruto. "The Kit has the blessing of the foxes, and may call on us whenever he has a need... and I swear to Inari-sama that if his life goes back to how it was before, we will raze this place to the ground even if the Kit loves it, for it does not deserve him." That said, the woman turned into a miniature white nine tailed fox with a vicious snarl on its face, leaving Naruto on the couch.

"The paperwork... it keeps growing..." Hiruzen practically cried.

#10: Katon: Glassed Earth

"But why do I need to learn the Goyaku no Jutsu?" Naruto groused.

"Because it is a useful technique, even if it is only for distractions," Jiraya said. "Most competent nins will jump out of the way, but as they jump you can catch them off guard."

"Right..." Naruto sighed. He flashed through the handsigns and managed to create a massive, two-story-high fireball on his first try. "Oooh... hehehehe" Naruto chuckled darkly as he thought of a way to use this.

"Naruto... what are you planning?" Jiraya asked worriedly.

"Kage-Bunshin no Jutsu!" Naruto called, making Jiraya sweat as they all performed a variety of jutsu, each ending with the 'Tora' sign. "Katon: Glassed Earth no Jutsu!"

"Oh crud." Jiraya managed to utter before training ground 29 became nothing more than dust and broken glass.

The Hokage saw the brief flash and thought, Orochimaru... come back and kill me now, it would be worth it just to escape the paperwork...

#11: Combination Technique: Blazing Maelstrom

"Naruto, could you please channel your chakra through this?" Jiraya asked once he had recovered from his minor first degree burns.

"Alright, but what for?" Naruto asked, accepting the card and waiting for an explanation.

"Well, normally a ninja is only able to use one element very well," Jiraya explained. "Sometimes they can use more, but usually they're restricted to one, maybe two if they train for a decade or two. If they have more than one, it could be a bloodline. I want to test you since you picked up that Katon so easily yesterday, and your ridiculously powerful Futon technique... what was it, Kami's Kaze?"

"Oh!" Naruto exlaimed as he got it. "You mean like my weird-eyes?"

"Weird-eyes?" Jiraya asked hollowly. "What do you mean, 'Weird Eyes'?" Naruto closed his eyes and opened them to reveal a pair of eyes that were silver-purple with three black rings in each eye. "Naruto, how long have you had that?!" Jiraya practically yelled.

"Since..." he grew quiet. "Well, since the day I got kicked out of the orphanage on my birthday," he replied quietly.

Jiraya made a mental note not to kill his teacher for his stupidity and lack of care with a possible assassination target, whom was his godson (he also kicked himself for not being there, but decided then and there to finally settle down after solidifying his spy network), and nodded. "Right. I think I know what you have, but go ahead anyway.

Naruto channeled chakra, and sure enough it split into four pieces before they crumpled, burned, soaked and crumbled respectively. "Cool," Naruto grinned.

"Very," Jiraya agreed with a chuckle. He shuddered when he saw a thoughtful look on Naruto's face. "Naruto... what are you doing?"

"Well, I just remembered what happened when I used a Fuuton: Daiotappa against Teme's Katon: Goyaku no Jutsu..." Naruto thought with a wicked grin.

"Naruto, don't you even-"

"Kage-Bunshin!" Jiraya didn't even wait for whatever was coming, he just ran.

"Fuuton: Kami's Kaze no Jutsu!" half the clones yelled. "Katon: Glassed Earth no Jutsu!" the other half yelled. "Combination Technique: Blazing Maelstrom!"

(with Sarutobi...)

"Jiraya, I may just have to kill you for teaching him a Katon technique," the aging Hokage murmured as he got the paperwork ready for what he had seen through his crystal ball. "Although, if he uses any of those techniques during the finals, we may never have to worry about going to war again so long as he is here... but the paperwork..."

#12: Kunai Bunshin no Jutsu.

"It is your fate that you will die by my hands," Neji said as the pair stepped into the stadium.

"Bullshit! It's my fate to kick your ass for what you did to Hinata!" Naruto yelled back angrily.

"That is just prattle; there is nothing you can do to change your defeat," Neji decided with a nod.

(up in the stands, with the Hokage and the Kazekage)

"I really hope Naruto takes his jutsu restrictions seriously..." the Hokage murmured as he watched the match.

"You would tell a competitor to limit himself?" the Kazekage asked in slight surprise. "Why in the world would you do such a thing?"

"Training Grounds 4 through 17, the back half of 44, the newly re-arranged Uzu no Kuni," Hiruzen trailed off. "His techniques can be rather destructive, and always end with me having a headache."

The 'Kazekage' winced in sympathy. Even if Orochimaru hated his one time mentor, that didn't mean that he wished paperwork on the old man...

(line break)

"And how do you think you can beat me, I have sealed off your tenketsu and you cannot use chakra," Neji declared.

Naruto glared at Neji before dredging up a small portion of the Kyuubi's chakra, which shocked Neji as it opened the tenketsu and allowed Naruto's chakra to flow again. "Kage-Bunshin no Jutsu!" Naruto declared as he leaped up from the ground. The stadium was immediately filled with clones, much to the shock of most everyone there. Each one took out a Kunai and Neji sneered.

"What do you think that you'll be able to do; you already know that I'll be able to block those measly attacks," the pompous gennin declared.

"Yeah, well try blocking a few million of them," Naruto snapped back. He threw the Kunai and made a short series of handsigns before calling, "Kunai Kage-Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Neji's eyes widened as the hundreds of kunai from Naruto's attack indeed became millions. He spun in a Kaiten for what seemed like ages, but was only a minute as the hail of steel came raining down on him. When he finally stopped, he staggered and said, "How did... you do... that... ugh..." and he collapsed from a mixture of dizziness and chakra exhaustion.

"I just overloaded the technique like I always do," Naruto said, fully recovered and not even winded. "For some reason I have literally infinite chakra reserves." He paused with a thoughtful look on his face. "Then again, I did have a Kami touch me with its power when I was a baby, so that might have something to do with it..."

#13: Combination Technique: Raishin's Wrath

"Oi! Giant sand racoon freak!" Naruto yelled as he finally caught up with the now fully transformed Gaara.

"Who the fuck are ya callin' a freak, blondie?! I'm gonna kill ya fer that!" it screamed as it turned to Naruto.

"Kage-bunshin no Jutsu!" Naruto exclaimed, creating, surprisingly, only thirty clones. Each set of ten clones went off on one of three points and began doing handsigns.

"What are you planning, ya little twerp?" the oversized raccoon growled as Naruto began running up its side.

"Just this... Combination Technique: Raijin's Wrath!" Naruto yelled as he reached the top where Gaara was.

Clouds began forming over the head of the bijuu-fied jinchuuriki and a torrent of rain poured out of the heavens. "That's it?! A little rain?! Annoying, but-YEARGH!" the Shukaku screamed as hundreds of lightning bolts poured from the sky along the path the rain had laid through the sky, shocking the bijuu into blissfull unconsciousness and ending its path of destruction... even though it tore up training grounds 18, 19 and twenty.

(line break)

Hiruzen looked out to the raincloud that he knew for a fact was Naruto's doing and rapidly began pulling Orochimaru's arms into himself. "Sorry, but I can't stay any longer. If I do, the paperwork will catch up to me in the afterlife... farewell, my idiot student."

#14: Therapy no Jutsu (Ne Imposed)

"I propose myself for the Hokage position," Danzo said calmly.

Jiraya thought as the idea rapidly gained ground and decided on a condition. "Alright, but only if you can put up with the gaki for an hour on your own. If you come out of it unchanged, you can have the hat. Otherwise, I'll go... get Tsunade! She'll be the Godaime Hokage if you can't hack it!"

Danzo smirked, thinking it was all in the bag. "Alright. Send him in."

The room emptied and a confused Naruto walked in, looking the older man. "Ouch... it looks like you got hit with part of my 'Katon: Glassed Earth'."

(one hour later)

"And so I had to do it! I had no choice to protect Konohagakure no Sato from itself!" Danzo broke down.

"But think about it, how much have you damaged Konoha thanks to that?" Naruto asked seriously. "You may be making the perfect shinobis, but we don't need 'perfect'. Human emotions make us far more willing to protect that which is precious to us!"

Jiraya stood wide eyed as Danzo looked up, determination written on his features. "You're right!" he shouted. "I'll fix the problem at once!" He stood up, and with a spring in his step walked out of the office, turning to the stunned council as he left. "Jiraya, go find Tsunade. The kid's shown me a few mistakes I've made, and-"

He was cut off as a pair of operatives in blank white masks hopped into the room and snatched him out, leaving a small scroll behind. "We appologize for the inconvenience, but it seems that he is not in his right mind. Root." Jiraya read. He read it over twice more, before turning to Naruto. "Pack your bags, kid, we've got a princess to catch."

"Awesome!" Naruto shouted.

#15: Rinne Tensai

"So the snake bastard told you that he'd ressurect your precious people if you healed his arms?" Jiraya growled, downing his Sake across from his blonde haired target.

Tsunade stared at Jiraya. "How in Kami's name did you hear about that?!"

"I have my sources," Jiraya said, subtly slipping a 500 ryo note to Naruto.

"Geez, he's probably going to use the same technique that forced jiji to kill himself," Naruto huffed, annoyed at the woman. "I can do the same thing without even needing the two living sacrifices, dattebayo!"

Tsunade scoffed at the blonde. "I call bullshit. There's no way that you, a brat, could know a better way to do something than a Sennin!"

"I can, I do, and I will do it!" Naruto decided. "I swear it as the future Hokage!"

Tsunade's eyes glazed in memory for a moment before she gained a wicked grin. "Alright, let's make it a wager. If you can get my precious people back, then I'll come back and be the Hokage. I'll even give you this necklace as proof of your victory!" She pulled up the shodai's necklace, displaying it for all to see. "If you can't, then you have to give up your dream of becoming Hokage forever."

Naruto nodded resolutely and ran out to start working on the technique, while Jiraya ordered a barrel of Sake, shocking Tsunade and Shizune. "I'm going to need a lot more liquor in me, because there are going to be some annoyed ressurrected people in town shortly," Jiraya explained.

"You think he can actually do it?" Tsunade asked, mildly surprised.

"Yep. For three reasons. One: as far as we can tell he has literally infinite chakra, which is thanks to two: he has the Kyuubi, an immortal being with infinite knowledge, stuck in his gut who can help him master three: his Rin'negan." Jiraya said, beginning to down the barrel's contents. "Oh, and the gaki and Kyuubi's reserves were increased by touching the infinite power wielded by the god of death."

Tsunade and Shizune stared blankly for a moment before joining him.

(one week later...)

"Kukuku... so you've come, Tsunade?" Orochimaru asked.

"Yeah, I'm here Orochimaru," Tsunade nodded. "And I've got my answer."

"Oh, and what... what is that?" Orochimaru asked as an object buried itself in the ground between the pair. Their eyes widened when they recognized the tri-pronged kunai just before a large flash of light lit the clearing.

"Yo, sorry we're late," a tall blonde man in his mid twenties said with a smile.

"Sochi was just filling us in on what's been going on since we died," a red-headed woman the same age as the man continued with a smile as she held a slumbering blonde boy.

"Tsunade-hime, is that you?" a man in his early thirties with brunette hair asked hopefully.

"Nee-chan! This kid is awesome!" another brunette kid chirped.

Tsunade's eyes were wide as saucers, and Orochimaru had wisely decided to slink away, knowing he had definitely lost this time. Jiraya made it to the field with three other figures, one of whom was weeping at his fate. "H-How did you all come back!?" Tsunade half demanded.

Kushina smiled at the blonde boy sleeping on her shoulders. "Sochi used what he had read about the Rin'negan to determine how to use it, and then got some help with the Kyuubi and a ludicrous amount of clones to train for hundreds of thousands of hours over this past week. He's suffering memory backlash right now, but he should wake up sometime soon."

"And when he does, I think I'd like to see the village again," Minato mused. "He was hiding something, and I want to know what..."

Jiraya sighed and nodded. "Yeah, we'll have you guys walk in under a henge. You'll see what's going on when we get there."

The five who knew very little of Naruto's life up until that point were confused, while one was paling rapidly. "Oh, Kami..."

"Sensei?" Jiraya asked cautiously.

"I'm... in my prime again... and there hasn't been a new Hokage instated yet..." Hiruzen replied weakly. "The paperwork... oh kami, the paperwork..."

Minato blinked before giving Hiruzen an odd look. "Wait, you didn't figure out that you could use Kage Bunshin to finish your paperwork?"

The blank stare that Hiruzen gained at that statement said it all. He was unresponsive for several hours, before he had to restrain himself from strangling the blonde gennin.

(And that's the end of the excerpts, I'll have a story based around it out... eventually.)


End file.
